When you can only see the other person’s fault
Problems are part of life, and they often involve other people. In a disagreement with a friend, I was getting more and more frustrated that he could not see he was wrong. From my perspective it was as clear as day, and I was standing very strong in my own position.
The question that changes it
How am I part of the problem? What am I doing that is not helping?
I could clearly see how he was the problem and how his behaviour was not helping. I was completely missing his perspective. Asking this question gives you a whole new look at the situation and a new sense of clarity.
Your challenge
- Think of a problem you are having with someone.
- Ask yourself: how am I part of the problem?
- Am I helping, or making things worse? Am I part of the problem or part of the solution?
Related: Listening to understand
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Read the video transcript
Hi everyone. We all have problems in our life. It’s just part of life, it seems, and very often those problems include other people. At the moment I’ve been having a disagreement with a friend of mine, and I’ve been getting more and more frustrated that he simply can’t see that he’s wrong. From my perspective it’s as clear as day, and I have been standing very strong in my own position. Then I heard a question the other day that really made me stop and think. That question is: how am I part of the problem? What am I doing wrong? What am I doing that’s not helping things? Because I can clearly see how he’s the problem and how his behaviour is not helping, but I’m completely missing his perspective. So by changing where I’m looking at the problem from, changing my perspective and asking how am I part of the problem, I get a whole new look on things. I get a whole new sense of clarity. Because am I part of the problem, or am I part of the solution? So some challenging questions there. For a problem that you are having, ask yourself the question: how are you part of the problem? Are you helping or making things worse? A challenging question for the day.
